I am going to be honest with you, after the summer ended and school got back to full swing, I felt the fire in my soul slowly (painstakingly slow) fade. I was upset about it in the most lowkey way, I'd ask myself "why don't I want to spend time with God?" and "What's wrong with me?" Those questions are actually the problem.
I was making it about me...
I've probably said this before, but man oh man it's a lesson I need to re-learn so much-- It's not about me. I finally realized I was being selfish, therefore realizing I was the problem. When that happens, I have to go back to the basics. I have to ask myself these questions: 'Why do I love God?' 'Why do I believe in Him?' 'Why do I try my best to devote my life to Him?' and the simple answer is that I do it all because He loves me. I don't do it only because I love Him, no. It's because He loved first. I always seem to forget that. We see this in 1 John 4 verse 19:
"We love because He first loved us" (esv/niv)
So, besides reminding ourselves that it isn't about us, and that we can't truly love others without God, how do we bring back the fire? For me, it's taking myself out of the equation. This new found spark was not made from anything I did for myself. This came from serving others and when I stopped convincing myself that I need more 'time to myself'. My time isn't my own. My life isn't my own.
This all came about when God stripped down my schedule and I had nothing BUT time, and I was really selfish with it for a week or two, but then one day I decided to give time and money to someone other than myself, but like truly, in a way I couldn't really benefit from. And that, that, gave me life. God gave me that reminder to re-spark my heart. So yeah, it's not about you in the end. It's about the people in your life and most importantly God.
Who can you serve?
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